[Tieria had seen (or rather heard) how Lockon had reacted to the snippet of film that had supposedly shown the Doctor's death. He was fully aware that many people were taking it at face value, that people generally honestly believed it. And he was aware that Lockon had taken it very, very badly indeed.
Tieria also knew that nobody would believe him, or accept anything he could try and say to stop them from being upset. As such, Lockon was the last person Tieria had wanted to see in return. It would have been better to blank him entirely, and while Tieria had intended on doing so, he couldn't very well ignore a question.]
For once, not particularly, no. Is there something I can do for you?
[Every cool, calm word just incensed Lockon further. He made a lot of allowances for - hell, he found Tieria's stranger aspects endearing, normally, but at a time like this it hit exactly the wrong note.]
Not for me. But hey, if you're such a free agent, for once, maybe it wouldn't kill you to take the time to show some respect for other people.
Yeah. You obviously don't. [He folded his arms and glared.] Let me explain it, then. Maybe your friendship with the Doctor didn't mean all that much in the end, but you could at least try to respect that other people might want to mourn the loss of someone they care about.
[Tieria suppressed the surge of anger that welled up inside him. Even if questioning his love and respect for the Doctor was cruel, Tieria kept reminding himself that Lockon had been tricked by those stupid posts. It wasn't fair to blame him for the way he was feeling and consequently acting.]
You are mistaken, Lockon. I am not upset, because there is nothing to be upset about. He's coming back, and I am not talking about this for one minute more.
[Closing his eyes and symbolically brushing the issue away with a hand to the air, Tieria made to walk away.]
[Tieria may have wanted to brush the conversation away, but Lockon was prepared to do no such thing. He moved to bodily block Tieria's path.]
So you're the absolute authority on what people should be upset about? Because you're so sure it wasn't as final as it looked, it's perfectly acceptable to dismiss everyone else's grief as though it was ridiculous? As though they were ridiculous for feeling that way? I sat with someone after that who was crying for the loss of a great man, were they an idiot to you?
[His stance suddenly defiant, Tieria not only finally looked him in the face, but bore holes in him with his glare.]
That isn't what I meant and you know it! How can you stand there in front of me, telling me that I'm in the wrong for refusing to mourn for a man that isn't dead? You--
[Jabbing at Lockon's chest with a finger, Tieria punctuates his words with further hard pokes for emphasis.]
You, you that supposedly died, you who left me looking like an idiot, you who let me mourn until I thought I was going to lose. My. Mind--
[For just a second, Lockon was taken aback by Tieria's sudden explosion, leaning back slightly under the finger's push. For just a second, the reminder of the Christmas before last's aftermath twinged his guilty conscience. A second later, and the rest of the words overtook the tone and the guilt - and he didn't just refuse to step back under the verbal onslaught, but took a step forward right into it.]
Oh yeah, how dare I stand here and tell you you're wrong! He's only the reason I survived in the first place, after all, he only saved all of us, how dare I be angry at you for refusing to acknowledge that people could be upset about his death! That people's opinions other than yours might matter in a situation like this!
[With a vehement jerk of his arm, he knocked away Tieria's jabbing finger.]
The fact that I came back doesn't mean you get the right to deny the reality of death as a whole, Tieria, but if you decide to anyway then you sure as hell don't have the right to judge other people for not doing it!
[It wasn't like Lockon hadn't been physically hostile towards him before, and Tieria had started it, but the smack against his arm managed to inflame him further. He also took a step forward, so that they were now so close as to be almost touching chest-to-chest, and dropped his voice into a deadly hiss.]
That's exactly it, Lockon Stratos. He saved you. He saved all of us. How can you believe he's dead? How can you have so little faith in such a great man?
[That snapped something for Lockon. Tieria probably couldn't have hit more buttons if he'd tried. The open judgement - before, the derision had at least been implicit - the accusation that his own lack of belief in the Doctor was at fault, the implication that death never visited great people to a man who'd lost too many friends and family - it was all too much. Lockon's face twisted into a snarl.]
Faith?! The Doctor was amazing, but he wasn't immortal! He wasn't a god! He was as mortal as any of us, and HE DIED!
[Tieria may have been close enough to hear the barest whisper, but Lockon's volume was reaching levels that reverberated in the hallway.]
He sacrificed himself, the whole damn community watched as it happened, watched as someone who meant that much to us died in pain, and you, you bastard, you stand there and tell me if I mourn him I don't have FAITH IN HIM!?
[Tieria's voice now snapped back in the other direction, as if in competition with Lockon's. On the verge of shrieking, Tieria shoved Lockon backwards and started back into the argument at full force.]
Yes! Yes, I do! The Doctor is bright, and brilliant, and nine-hundred and SIX years old! He can snatch people from the jaws of death, and has no doubt done it billions of times to save himself! Why, oh why, is this likely to be any different!? He said it for all the wrong reasons, but he was right! He IS the Time! Lord! Victorious! He always has been and he always will be, and if you honestly, honestly, HONESTLY believe that he would succumb so easily then you are a FOOL!
[His voice cracking on the last word, Tieria balled his hand into a fist. It was only extreme willpower that left him thumping the wall panelling rather than taking a swing at Lockon.]
I know he's not a god! But frankly, I'd place my faith in him over a god any day! Because he has never, EVER let me down!
[Lockon's own hands were curled into white-knuckled fists, and if he hadn't been wearing gloves his nails would have been cutting into his palms at the reminder of the Doctor's Mars breakdown. To remember the incident which had left him feeling so angry and betrayed, and which had coloured his final interactions with the Doctor, to remember that now just added fuel to an already raging fire. Somewhere in the back of his mind, the sane and sensical part of him heard the emphasis on he and connected it with Tieria's previous almost priestlike devotion to Veda, but he was far too furious to give it any more consideration than that. He practically spat his next words out.]
If you believed that bullshit he was saying on Mars, Tieria, if you agreed with any part of that and thought he was in the right, then you're the fool - and the Doctor would tell you the same thing!
And even if it was, even then, even the Time Lord Victorious is still just a Time Lord! You heard him talk about regeneration, that's how they survive, they don't just magically live on because they're good people! And he's done it before, if you needed any more proof of his mortality, he's died and regenerated before! [Fisted or not, his hands were shaking.] You want to believe he survived? The best case scenario is that some stranger with his name and his memories and NOTHING ELSE is walking around right now!
[He made a movement as if he'd been going to grab Tieria, and controlled himself enough to think the better of it at the last second, turning it into a sort of violent sweep of his arm to the side that seemed to indicate the entire situation.] You think I'm happy about this? You think any of us wanted this? You think we took the easy explanation? He's not coming back if you deny hard enough, Tieria! You can't control everything and everyone no matter how hard you try to, least of all death!
[Having shouted the words at such a volume, they echoed loudly in the spartan corridors. Tieria had little else to say, and left the noise reverberating in the empty air. As soon as it left his mouth, he was aware of how revoltingly imperious, how pathetic it sounded, but he wasn't going to take it back. He stood there, teeth bared and body shaking, allowing the weight of what he'd said to settle.
He really did mean it, the more he let it sink in. Death was part of his particular job on top of being a Gundam Meister, be it doing all that he could to maintain the safety of those around him, or carrying out the grim but thankfully rare task of dispatching the traitors and spies among them. From day one he had been given the duties of judge, jury and executioner of Celestial Being, and sometimes it was extremely hard to switch that off. That, coupled with the responsibility that had landed on his shoulders in the absence of both Veda and Sumeragi Lee Noriega to do his best to lead what was left of them, had left him with the overwhelming feeling that death in all its forms was now something that he had to control.]
[The sheer audacity of Tieria's words - not far from what was to be expected from him, sure, but still to hear it so vehemently - silenced Lockon for just a moment. From the tense lines of his body to his face white with fury, though, it was clear that he hadn't been cowed into backing down - he held Tieria's glare with one of his own, and when he spoke his voice began as a low growl, crescendoing into a shout that, while not rivalling Tieria's rafter-shaking previous, still managed to bounce off the walls .]
And that's your problem in a goddamn nutshell, isn't it? You keep trying to control everything you can find, like you're the ultimate authority on the whole world, and your opinion's all that matters. Let me bring you back to reality, Tieria, there's some things you don't have control over! People don't survive just because you decide they do! Your denial doesn't stop the Doctor being dead! Our comments couldn't stop him sacrificing himself! Locking me away from battle wasn't a great plan the first time! You can't control everyone else!
[The last one had almost slipped out unintentionally, his bubbling frustration finding an outlet in his tirade, but he was past caring. Tieria would have been far stupider than Lockon had ever thought of him to believe that Lockon was happy with being shelved in favour of Michael.]
[He had been about to laugh at Lockon's frankly ridiculous comments about trying to control the world - what was Celestial Being, if it was not an organization dedicated to strangling the very idea of warfare and its senseless deaths? - but that one little comment about his actions towards Lockon stopped him, and quickly.
With all the bluster knocked out of him like a punch to the gut, Tieria's mouth worked mutely for several seconds before any actual words managed to come out of it. As it was, all he could manage was a quiet, unsteady:]
That... that wasn't the same. It was different. I. I had to.
Yeah? Just like you had to keep me out of the mission this time too?
[Lockon wasn't in the mood to be sympathetic to Tieria's change in demeanour. He might not be shouting any more, but the harsh edge to his growl was just as antagonistic as a yell would have been.]
[Tieria did his best to remember his reasons, even if they were only excuses in reality. They sounded flimsy, even to him. Backing up so that most of the corridor's width was between the two of them, Tieria started his attempt to convince Lockon that his logic was sound somewhat shakily.]
...there was no place in the mission plan for a sniping unit. I. I didn't want an unnecessary number of suits sortieing for a mission with so many undefined quantities on the opposite side. Someone needed to be kept in reserve, and it just happened to be you, Lockon, so don't say it like that. And besides, I'm still not sure about. Certain problems you might have.
[Once again, Tieria was looking at everything in the corridor except Lockon's face. He didn't want to start down this particular avenue of issues, but Tieria was getting the feeling that Lockon wasn't believing a word he'd been saying, and as such, he was going to have to steer in the direction of a few things that were almost guaranteed to make Lockon somehow even angrier.]
[Lockon had opened his mouth, about to protest the ridiculousness of that - a mission so important with that many undefined qualities could only benefit from cover fire from a sniping unit, not to mention he couldn't be 'kept in reserve', implicitly in case it went wrong and they needed backup, when he was left behind in space - but Tieria managed to railroad him with that last part. His eyes narrowed.]
There's nothing wrong with me.
[That wasn't exactly true, given his scores in the flight sims, but he had been in denial of those for long enough that he almost believed his own justifications. Certainly nothing showed of that in his voice.]
[Even though he could feel the hard edge to Lockon's voice like a knife poised at his throat, Tieria persevered. He didn't know exactly what he was trying to accomplish, only that it somehow involved making Lockon so angry that he would either leave him alone or beat the living daylights out of him.]
You know that's not true. Your scores...
[Tieria had backed up so far that he had pressed himself against the wall. He took a deep breath, and continued.]
And your. Your attitude...
[He had left both sentences trailing, but the implications were clear.]
[If Lockon hadn't been wearing his gloves there would be deep grooves in his palms from his nails, considering how tightly clenched his fists were. He moved forward with Tieria's backing away, not intentionally looming, but everything about his expression screamed 'warning signs before the storm; imminent danger of exploding'.]
There is nothing wrong with my scores that a field mission couldn't cure. [His voice was steel. He shook his head, movement as tight as his fists, as though putting an end to that unimportant reasoning, and then he fixed Tieria with a look again. For all that Tieria was refusing to look him in the eye, Lockon appeared to have an intense enough glare for both of them. If anything, it intensified, and the steel in his voice took on an even harsher edge than before.]
And you've got a hell of a lot of nerve talking about my attitude. Going to have to explain that one a little more, Tieria.
[It was funny, in that horrific way that made you want to throw up all over your own shoes in fear, that Lockon had asked Tieria to explain the problems with his attitude when here Lockon was, looking every bit the kind of man that was about to punch Tieria through a wall. But then maybe that was the point. Because it allowed Tieria to do nothing but leave his sentence hanging exactly where it was.
Standing in that long, featureless corridor, the way Tieria looked to be trying to push himself through the wall, all the while avoiding Lockon's glare, should have been more than enough to indicate that the evidence was right here, that Tieria didn't even need to be present for it. Here stands Lockon Stratos, the man with enough anger to argue for two.]
[Lockon was a great many things, but he wasn't stupid. It would have been obvious even to a blind man that Tieria was threatened by him right now, outright scared of him. Maybe with reason; Lockon was fully aware that he was closer to getting violent with the other man than he had been in a long time. Logic said he should back off, should calm down before he did something he'd probably regret in the future. Normally this would be the point where he'd listen to logic, especially with the unwelcome answer hanging in the air so thickly it was almost tangible.
Now was not a normal situation, however. Now, that answer was blackened further by implication - not just that his attitude was a danger, but that it was somehow worse than his replacement. Michael, Michael of the hair-trigger temper and the fun-and-games approach to violence, was a better - a safer candidate for the battlefield. No, with that hanging in the air, with his emotions already running high, logic met the boiling blood of Lockon's fury, and logic lost.]
Answer me! Look me in the eye and say it, Tieria Erde! [One hand slammed into the wall behind Tieria, not exactly close enough to his head to be a threat, but enough to show that Tieria wasn't getting out of this with nonverbalisation.]
[Despite flinching at the impact, Tieria still refused to meet Lockon's glare.]
Do I even need to? You're making it quite clear that you're having trouble keeping your temper under control. Do you think Setsuna would have wanted you to make any more stupid mistakes out of anger?
[It was a low blow, but it was also the truth. And if Lockon hit him now, they would both be justified in their actions. If tensions were high for a little while, so what? Things would return to normal, as they always did. It was hardly the first time that they'd fought.]
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timeasmymeasure
[actionspam]
Date: 2010-12-20 01:50 am (UTC)Tieria also knew that nobody would believe him, or accept anything he could try and say to stop them from being upset. As such, Lockon was the last person Tieria had wanted to see in return. It would have been better to blank him entirely, and while Tieria had intended on doing so, he couldn't very well ignore a question.]
For once, not particularly, no. Is there something I can do for you?
[actionspam]
Date: 2010-12-21 12:07 am (UTC)Not for me. But hey, if you're such a free agent, for once, maybe it wouldn't kill you to take the time to show some respect for other people.
[actionspam]
Date: 2010-12-21 10:26 pm (UTC)Respect? I do not understand.
[actionspam]
Date: 2010-12-22 05:31 pm (UTC)[actionspam]
Date: 2010-12-22 10:26 pm (UTC)You are mistaken, Lockon. I am not upset, because there is nothing to be upset about. He's coming back, and I am not talking about this for one minute more.
[Closing his eyes and symbolically brushing the issue away with a hand to the air, Tieria made to walk away.]
[actionspam]
Date: 2010-12-23 02:18 am (UTC)So you're the absolute authority on what people should be upset about? Because you're so sure it wasn't as final as it looked, it's perfectly acceptable to dismiss everyone else's grief as though it was ridiculous? As though they were ridiculous for feeling that way? I sat with someone after that who was crying for the loss of a great man, were they an idiot to you?
[actionspam]
Date: 2010-12-23 11:27 pm (UTC)I don't know how you can say that to me. You of all people.
[actionspam]
Date: 2010-12-24 01:40 am (UTC)What exactly is that supposed to mean? When have I ever belittled your mourning like this?
[actionspam]
Date: 2010-12-24 01:52 am (UTC)That isn't what I meant and you know it! How can you stand there in front of me, telling me that I'm in the wrong for refusing to mourn for a man that isn't dead? You--
[Jabbing at Lockon's chest with a finger, Tieria punctuates his words with further hard pokes for emphasis.]
You, you that supposedly died, you who left me looking like an idiot, you who let me mourn until I thought I was going to lose. My. Mind--
[And one further, even harder stab.]
How DARE you stand there like that?!
[actionspam]
Date: 2010-12-24 02:24 am (UTC)Oh yeah, how dare I stand here and tell you you're wrong! He's only the reason I survived in the first place, after all, he only saved all of us, how dare I be angry at you for refusing to acknowledge that people could be upset about his death! That people's opinions other than yours might matter in a situation like this!
[With a vehement jerk of his arm, he knocked away Tieria's jabbing finger.]
The fact that I came back doesn't mean you get the right to deny the reality of death as a whole, Tieria, but if you decide to anyway then you sure as hell don't have the right to judge other people for not doing it!
[actionspam]
Date: 2010-12-25 10:09 pm (UTC)That's exactly it, Lockon Stratos. He saved you. He saved all of us. How can you believe he's dead? How can you have so little faith in such a great man?
[actionspam]
Date: 2010-12-26 01:31 am (UTC)Faith?! The Doctor was amazing, but he wasn't immortal! He wasn't a god! He was as mortal as any of us, and HE DIED!
[Tieria may have been close enough to hear the barest whisper, but Lockon's volume was reaching levels that reverberated in the hallway.]
He sacrificed himself, the whole damn community watched as it happened, watched as someone who meant that much to us died in pain, and you, you bastard, you stand there and tell me if I mourn him I don't have FAITH IN HIM!?
[actionspam]
Date: 2010-12-26 08:28 pm (UTC)Yes! Yes, I do! The Doctor is bright, and brilliant, and nine-hundred and SIX years old! He can snatch people from the jaws of death, and has no doubt done it billions of times to save himself! Why, oh why, is this likely to be any different!? He said it for all the wrong reasons, but he was right! He IS the Time! Lord! Victorious! He always has been and he always will be, and if you honestly, honestly, HONESTLY believe that he would succumb so easily then you are a FOOL!
[His voice cracking on the last word, Tieria balled his hand into a fist. It was only extreme willpower that left him thumping the wall panelling rather than taking a swing at Lockon.]
I know he's not a god! But frankly, I'd place my faith in him over a god any day! Because he has never, EVER let me down!
[actionspam]
Date: 2010-12-28 02:12 pm (UTC)If you believed that bullshit he was saying on Mars, Tieria, if you agreed with any part of that and thought he was in the right, then you're the fool - and the Doctor would tell you the same thing!
And even if it was, even then, even the Time Lord Victorious is still just a Time Lord! You heard him talk about regeneration, that's how they survive, they don't just magically live on because they're good people! And he's done it before, if you needed any more proof of his mortality, he's died and regenerated before! [Fisted or not, his hands were shaking.] You want to believe he survived? The best case scenario is that some stranger with his name and his memories and NOTHING ELSE is walking around right now!
[He made a movement as if he'd been going to grab Tieria, and controlled himself enough to think the better of it at the last second, turning it into a sort of violent sweep of his arm to the side that seemed to indicate the entire situation.] You think I'm happy about this? You think any of us wanted this? You think we took the easy explanation? He's not coming back if you deny hard enough, Tieria! You can't control everything and everyone no matter how hard you try to, least of all death!
[actionspam]
Date: 2010-12-29 12:27 am (UTC)[Having shouted the words at such a volume, they echoed loudly in the spartan corridors. Tieria had little else to say, and left the noise reverberating in the empty air. As soon as it left his mouth, he was aware of how revoltingly imperious, how pathetic it sounded, but he wasn't going to take it back. He stood there, teeth bared and body shaking, allowing the weight of what he'd said to settle.
He really did mean it, the more he let it sink in. Death was part of his particular job on top of being a Gundam Meister, be it doing all that he could to maintain the safety of those around him, or carrying out the grim but thankfully rare task of dispatching the traitors and spies among them. From day one he had been given the duties of judge, jury and executioner of Celestial Being, and sometimes it was extremely hard to switch that off. That, coupled with the responsibility that had landed on his shoulders in the absence of both Veda and Sumeragi Lee Noriega to do his best to lead what was left of them, had left him with the overwhelming feeling that death in all its forms was now something that he had to control.]
[actionspam]
Date: 2010-12-30 01:51 am (UTC)And that's your problem in a goddamn nutshell, isn't it? You keep trying to control everything you can find, like you're the ultimate authority on the whole world, and your opinion's all that matters. Let me bring you back to reality, Tieria, there's some things you don't have control over! People don't survive just because you decide they do! Your denial doesn't stop the Doctor being dead! Our comments couldn't stop him sacrificing himself! Locking me away from battle wasn't a great plan the first time! You can't control everyone else!
[The last one had almost slipped out unintentionally, his bubbling frustration finding an outlet in his tirade, but he was past caring. Tieria would have been far stupider than Lockon had ever thought of him to believe that Lockon was happy with being shelved in favour of Michael.]
[actionspam]
Date: 2010-12-30 01:05 pm (UTC)With all the bluster knocked out of him like a punch to the gut, Tieria's mouth worked mutely for several seconds before any actual words managed to come out of it. As it was, all he could manage was a quiet, unsteady:]
That... that wasn't the same. It was different. I. I had to.
[actionspam]
Date: 2010-12-30 01:36 pm (UTC)[Lockon wasn't in the mood to be sympathetic to Tieria's change in demeanour. He might not be shouting any more, but the harsh edge to his growl was just as antagonistic as a yell would have been.]
[actionspam]
Date: 2010-12-31 12:04 am (UTC)...there was no place in the mission plan for a sniping unit. I. I didn't want an unnecessary number of suits sortieing for a mission with so many undefined quantities on the opposite side. Someone needed to be kept in reserve, and it just happened to be you, Lockon, so don't say it like that. And besides, I'm still not sure about. Certain problems you might have.
[Once again, Tieria was looking at everything in the corridor except Lockon's face. He didn't want to start down this particular avenue of issues, but Tieria was getting the feeling that Lockon wasn't believing a word he'd been saying, and as such, he was going to have to steer in the direction of a few things that were almost guaranteed to make Lockon somehow even angrier.]
[actionspam]
Date: 2010-12-31 11:30 am (UTC)There's nothing wrong with me.
[That wasn't exactly true, given his scores in the flight sims, but he had been in denial of those for long enough that he almost believed his own justifications. Certainly nothing showed of that in his voice.]
[actionspam]
Date: 2011-01-04 12:44 am (UTC)You know that's not true. Your scores...
[Tieria had backed up so far that he had pressed himself against the wall. He took a deep breath, and continued.]
And your. Your attitude...
[He had left both sentences trailing, but the implications were clear.]
[actionspam]
Date: 2011-01-04 01:44 am (UTC)There is nothing wrong with my scores that a field mission couldn't cure. [His voice was steel. He shook his head, movement as tight as his fists, as though putting an end to that unimportant reasoning, and then he fixed Tieria with a look again. For all that Tieria was refusing to look him in the eye, Lockon appeared to have an intense enough glare for both of them. If anything, it intensified, and the steel in his voice took on an even harsher edge than before.]
And you've got a hell of a lot of nerve talking about my attitude. Going to have to explain that one a little more, Tieria.
[actionspam]
Date: 2011-01-17 10:35 pm (UTC)Standing in that long, featureless corridor, the way Tieria looked to be trying to push himself through the wall, all the while avoiding Lockon's glare, should have been more than enough to indicate that the evidence was right here, that Tieria didn't even need to be present for it. Here stands Lockon Stratos, the man with enough anger to argue for two.]
[actionspam]
Date: 2011-01-19 12:24 am (UTC)Now was not a normal situation, however. Now, that answer was blackened further by implication - not just that his attitude was a danger, but that it was somehow worse than his replacement. Michael, Michael of the hair-trigger temper and the fun-and-games approach to violence, was a better - a safer candidate for the battlefield. No, with that hanging in the air, with his emotions already running high, logic met the boiling blood of Lockon's fury, and logic lost.]
Answer me! Look me in the eye and say it, Tieria Erde! [One hand slammed into the wall behind Tieria, not exactly close enough to his head to be a threat, but enough to show that Tieria wasn't getting out of this with nonverbalisation.]
[actionspam]
Date: 2011-01-30 12:20 am (UTC)Do I even need to? You're making it quite clear that you're having trouble keeping your temper under control. Do you think Setsuna would have wanted you to make any more stupid mistakes out of anger?
[It was a low blow, but it was also the truth. And if Lockon hit him now, they would both be justified in their actions. If tensions were high for a little while, so what? Things would return to normal, as they always did. It was hardly the first time that they'd fought.]
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