the twenty-third [fail!private]

[nonesodangerous]

An apology? What's the point in apologizing for saying what you think? Because that's all it was. It just made him rude and tactless. It didn't turn him into a liar. That's what he really thinks.

...he blames me. And he's right. It's my fault. It's all my fault. He nearly died because of me.

I am unfit. I don't know anything. I'm stupid, and weak, and deluding myself into believing I'm capable of being in charge. Why should anybody listen to me anymore? What authority do I possess?

I'm glad we didn't die. He wouldn't have wanted me with him anyway.

Comments

[nonesodangerous.livejournal.com]

Come to tell me I've got it all wrong? What the hell would you know?

[not-that-lockon.livejournal.com]

Oi, there's no need to be a bitch to me just because you're feeling crappy. And as clueless as I am, maybe I was, but I'm kind of more preoccupied with the bit about my brother almost dying.

[nonesodangerous.livejournal.com]

Why do you care? There was... an accident. But he didn't die, so forget about it.

[not-that-lockon.livejournal.com]

What, am I not allowed to care just because I can? And that's my brother we're talking about, so I don't think so. Has this got anything to do with why all his letters suddenly stopped last year?

[nonesodangerous.livejournal.com]

If he's your brother, why don't you ask him?

[not-that-lockon.livejournal.com]

Because he'll just do that Neil thing he does where he gives you one of those answers that doesn't mean anything and translates to "don't worry your head about it, Lyle, you're not going to hear about it because I'm doing that thing where I'm trying to be reassuring and big-brotherly about everything."